my blue room

i lived for one year here in jahnstraße braunschweig, germany. ever since then , i have moved. this is just a memory of my apartment. the color i can think of is an ethereal blue.

Behind the trees

we all have private thoughts both to ourselves, and to others. we don't talk too much about them, in parties. we talk about them-behind the trees.

i the dreamer

this morning , before i woke up , i experienced some very intense dreams. it was like one series after another. i wish i could remember what they were. my friend is used to writing down dreams.
i wonder if i should. i believe in dreams quite a bit. dreams can guide us. for example, i have been guided by dreams in some difficult decision making in my art school. it was like bread crumbs... thrown from heaven, and we just pick them up...in the woods...
joseph, one of my favorite character in the bible, was intimately connected with his dreams. he never saw them as trivial or foolish ......
dreams can smoothen out the path ahead of us. but there are also the ones that confuse me. i try not to think about them. i guess one comes to the point where one knows how to organize, interpret fairly, whether some are useful in daily life and others are not...
the process continues...
overall, having a nice dream is always lovely.

Bubble moments

sometimes, it is hard to create something out of almost nothing. but i guess that is what i have to do, in my work now, and in the future, in art . well, i guess we do not necessarily create things from nothing. there are always influences from artists we like and who inspire us , and there are memories, feelings, emotions and thoughts. these things are not" nothing". but still, the process of creation, most of the time begins with an empty canvas.

the next thing i hope to work on is the theme of transition. life is made up of many transitory moments. very good moments are temporary. i mean, we can have many good moments in life, but they shortly become memories. it is a like a bubble . we see a cute little bubble hovering in front of us, then it vanishes into thin air.
one specific moment can contain very intense feelings, very emotional train of thoughts. when i am in long train rides here in germany, i find myself trying to grasp these moments, to want to contain them in a bottle because they mean so much to me. i find it a very elusive activity. it makes me question, what is the meaning, of creating these moments in our lives, and do they truly add up to something, like a bigger picture, whether it be in friendship, art work, making music, cooking, partying etc. or maybe, what counts most, is the moment itself. it has no past, no future. i don,t know the answer really. but i do believe in a God, and He is in the moment. i guess that is what gives it some touch of eternity, a touch of ethereal color.

whatever it is, the moment can be intense, on one hand, and extremely fragile, like a bubble, on the other. it is about transition. we run through life, going from place to another, like a traveller, appreciating these bubble moments.

racing heart beat

i am doing some pencil drawings now...to get some kind of direction. i am trying to make pictures of certain creatures....that look innocent yet peculiar and odd....ok something like aliens.

hoping at the same time, these lines will carry my thoughts to a neat place......

i will let u know...maybe later...whether i have indeed arrived there. to tell u the truth, i am craving it every moment . my face/ my countenance is altogether calm. nobody can tell. but my heart is beating fast.

thoughts from the night

hello there...it has been quite a while since i visited my own blog and spend time writing down thoughts. i guess, now that i have internet access at home it makes it easier. it is now 3.13 am, and the night seems to be the best time, to write. after such a long pause, there is no compelling feeling to write about anything in particular. quite a number of things have happened, this past year ( almost !). there are several changes in my heart, in the way i look at things and there are still questions, unanswered ones, running in my mind. i mean, i still feel peaceful, with all these questions still existing, so i guess that is good. Peace from God, in spite of unanswered questions. Germany offers me to live life anew, in some ways. i mean, i truly appreciate my life before germany, but somehow, i feel a kind of "newness" here, in this new space. it has been about a year, and i was planting seeds, hoping they will become flowers....

a little update

the art school that i go to




the place that i live


been quite a while since the last time i wrote here. well, big reason is that there hasn,t been internet connection at home, and there still isn,t!
it,s been about three months in germany, and everything is going well. i live in an apartment with a german roomate/classmate ,Nina Peter, from hannover , who hasn,t reall moved in yet. this apartment also uses coal heating ( not electric central heating that i am used to ). i am still getting used to loading the oven daily, with lots of coal and wood. i have an interesting neighbour named Claudio, who only started painting when he was about 27 in this art school and now he is 32. He just sold two of his paintings last month. it is quite amazing that painting is now his central passion, and lifestyle, especially when he had never really done it before the time he first began in his late twenties. he has a big dark cat, who roams around the apartment stairways, and sometimes tries to slip into my house when i am not careful. directy below me is a huge italian family. right above, is Frank, who is a high school teacher, and who loves making things with wood. other than that, i don,t really know other neighbours very well.
almost every friday or saturday, i go out dancing. i feel that the music here is pretty good ! if time allows, i might also take long term salsa lessons. i am also appreciating german beer more and more. with wine, i am still not so good.

two days ago, it snowed heavily, like never before since i came here to Germany. when i came back really late that snowy night, somebody had made and left an adorable snowman on my bike and i had to make a picture, even though it turned out blurry and a little surreal.


classes in the art school resume next week.

new land, new life

just arrived here in germany. realized that i am about 5 days too early because the international student german class had been cancelled. this gives me the time to look for housing that, hopefully, willl last for the next few years. i am now staying put in Hotel Meyers, a traditional- looking place, taken care by a very nice lady and her husband who speak not a single word of english. i am very happy that i survived the journey here, carrying four heavy pieces of luggage, including my german violin, which has found back its home in this country! without those random people coming my way to help me carry my stuffs, up and down the train, and the station here at braunschweig which had no elevator, i bet i wouldn't have made it so well.
for now, things are pretty quiet, both in the hotel, in town and in the school. i hope to enjoy such calmness and tranquility, finish reading 2 books at my own pace, and slowy and gradually absorbing the rhythm, structure and sound of the german language, before the pace of life picks up once again and meeting new faces and entering the world of image and probably, fiction making, and who knows, ( as some friends suggest) even experiencing romance of some kind haha ...

wonderland

it's amazing how time flies.almost three years ago, when i flew back to singapore from the states, shermaine had one kid, day. Now that i am leaving for germany, i am playing with three beautiful kids of hers, day, dee , and lulu !
it's also amazing how these children turn a simple place where i live into a wonderland for themselves. they effortlessly find quite a number of things to do and play with, and don't quite cease to enjoy themeselves. they certainly teach me how to have fun at my own home , or come to think of it, wherever i go!

for those who love laughing

sharing here an article that a friend posted to us today. i quite enjoy reading it and being reminded of happy things like this!




"Ever-Laughing Life!

Avoid being the cranky old person you swore you'd never be!

by Pastor John Coulombe


A joyful heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit … All the days of the afflicted are bad, but for the happy, life is a continual feast … A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength (Prov. 15:13, 15; 17:22).

Allen Klein, who lectures on healing through humor, claims that children laugh 400 times a day while adults laugh only 15 times a day. Is it any wonder that the nightly news is so negative and dreary while Sesame Street and Barney are so bright and full of songs? Perhaps we need to spend more time with five year olds and instead of trying to get them to be like us, try to be more like them. Didn't Jesus say unless we become as children, we would not see or experience the Kingdom of God?

So how's your sense of humor? Solomon lays it out straight by warning us that three things occur when we lose our sense of humor: 1) our spirit breaks; 2) we shrivel up emotionally; 3) we lose our vitality and health. Research reveals that people with a sense of humor have fewer symptoms of physical ailments.

Norman Cousins, former editor of Saturday Review and professor at UCLA's School of Medicine wrote about his life-changing experience with humor. In his book, Anatomy of an Illness, he documented his story of dealing with a serious collagen disease. "I made the joyous discovery that 10 minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep." He surrounded himself with videos of some of the great comedians. He also checked out of the hospital and moved into a hotel where he could "laugh twice as hard at half the price."

Cousins says that laughter is "inner jogging." Every system in our body gets a workout when we have a hearty laugh. Our cardiovascular and respiratory systems benefit more from 20 seconds of laugher than from three minutes of exercise on a rowing machine. Muscles release tension and endorphins are released into the blood stream, creating the "runner's high" which long-distance joggers experience.

It has been proven that laughter has an immediate and direct affect upon heart rate, skin temperature, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle activity, brain activity, and finally, the way our body handles disease through activating our immune system and fighting infection. Impressive, huh?

Pastor Chuck Swindoll wrote "humor is not a sin. It is a God-given escape hatch … a safety valve … to lack a good sense of humor is a serious deficiency (The Finishing Touch). He then goes on to mention that a healthy sense of humor is determined by at least four abilities:

1. The ability to laugh at our own mistakes; 2. The ability to accept justified criticism—and get over it;
3. The ability to interject (or at least enjoy) wholesome humor when surrounded by a tense, heated situation;
4. The ability to control those statements that would be unfit—even though they may be funny.

Want to live long and well? Solomon wisely gives us the formula: A relaxed attitude lengthens life … (Prov.14:30) . Are you on edge, wound tight, worked up, and strung out? God's prescription is a sense of humor for those struggling with tense moments. I've heard it said that laughter is the lotion for the sunburns of life.

Helmut Thielecke, German theologian and pastor, gives us these poignant thoughts for we who are the Church: Should we not see that lines of laughter about the eyes are just as much marks of faith as are the lines of care and seriousness? Is it only earnestness that is baptized? Is laughter pagan? … A church is in a bad way when it banishes laughter from the sanctuary and leaves it to the cabaret, the nightclub, and the toastmasters.

So resist becoming the cranky, old person you swore you'd never be. May you have an ever-laughing life on earth and an everlasting life in heaven!


http://blog. christianitytoda y.com/buildingad ultministries/ 2008/09/everlaug hing_life. html "

back to basics

as i was walking home from the train station today, i saw and remembered the spot which my bike was stolen two years ago. i then now think about the new bike that is now lying in the garage, very much unused. one of the places i went to rather frequently more than 2 years ago, was the beach at east coast park. i was there with my bike, being alone with the sea, experiencing the freedom, the vastness. now that i am leaving for germany , in less than a month, i am thinking of going back to the spot , where i could be near to the sea again. this time round, i wonder what are the thoughts , colors or new tales that will come to my heart as i stand at the same spot again? will i still think about the deep blue gaze, when rested upon my soul, creates such a special feeling that i wonder if it could ever be replaced again, and will i think about the neverending dream that leads me from one place to another? will it motivate me to read a book containing stories of the Sea in the bible , all in the german language, which i bought two months ago?

then as i walked further , away from the stolen bike spot, i caught sight of a bird. at that moment , it poked its beak into the flowing water of the drain, and out came a tiny fish in its mouth and then the bird swallowed it immediately! maybe it was a random thought, but the moment just made me think about how simple life could be, without the frills , the chaos or order, and even the colors. the bird was enjoying the mere act of "being". the feeling was also similar to watching children play . it was a nice black and white photograph.
oh yes, i still desire colors, salt and seasonings , crystals and other things, but how nice it would be to experience, no matter how rare the chances are, the simplicity of it all, which is to go back to basics, to go back to the sea.

it was said somewhere, that " the law condemns the best of us, but grace saves the worst of us." thank God for his wonderful grace....

snow falling on a summer day

seven years ago, on a winter day,
you told me that the garden existed.
we drew pictures, and gave these flowers
a variety of colors and names,
and you gave me real seeds, hoping that
they will be of good use.
many times i sleep,
i dream of the fragrance of the moment which
the garden was born in my heart,
seven years ago.
as i look back,
i see a path strewn with these seeds.
even though the road is not quite straight,
i still feel the shape of the garden,
guiding and teaching me.
here i am reminiscing on a summer day,
but for one moment
i see snow falling just outside my window.

where is the recipe?

i want to go into a make believe world
make my own slurpee drinks
and create my own cheery pies
bake a cake that doesn't taste quite right,
together with other culinary adventures
so that my hunger for the unknown
is satisfied
and my thirst for colours
is quenched
then i will feel happy,
like a 5 year old
and whether it is winter, summer
or any changing season,
this world remains as it is .