Saturday, May 15, 2004


i love you and i love you not
i want to leave you for good,
but i can’t bring myself
to say goodbye.
i wish my emotion has
a clear and concrete shape
whereby i could act
easily ,
without struggle,
without pain.

jie jie, written 5/15/04 Saturday.
mack makes me feel at home and at peace with the environment. at least, nobody in the whole wide world right now makes me feel this obsession, this cruel torment of the range of fluctuating emotions i have towards him. mack may have a belly, but he has a great heart compared to many i have met. mack may not be extremely knowledgable about music, but his soul produces such awesome and melancholy music that puts all the sea monsters to rest.
mack makes me cry unlike anyone. his sadness saddens me and his happiness uplifts me. his eyes draw me closer to God, and his embrace allows me to rest from the complexities and realities of this world. he may not produce art, but being with him inspires poetic thoughts and moments within, that is the gist of my love for mack.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Some cool quotations from Einstein I found on the internet.

"To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old questions from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science." (Albert Einstein).

"The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness." ( Albert Einstein - The Merging of Spirit and Science)

" If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."- Albert Einstein.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

honestly, i am feeling stuck. i have come here, and i don’t know how to continue. i feel like a failure , as if this whole journey has been futile and pointless. yet, there is a glimmer of hope that is keeping this whole thing alive. i wonder where this hope is right now. it exists, but remains elusive. it was also this sense of hope that kept me from killing my very self in the distant past. right now, it’s about clinging on to this hope,, and to believe in this journey, even if it is unbelievable.

Sunday, May 09, 2004

look at the pictures of abuse of the Iraqi prisoners. Now it makes me really upset when some people in my church, including my pastor, still remain ardent G.Bush supporters.they said that the reason was because Bush professed and demonstrated that he was a sincere, practicing Christian.i think that's a dangerous rationale they are adopting, in spite of their well meaning support for a Christian government. Because of this backing and consequently each individual vote, one stupid and dangerous man is now in power. this indirectly affects everything, including threatening the racial harmony of this world and perpetuating hatred towards Muslims . many people feel ashamed of being an american because of Bush, and i certainly feel ashamed of being a christian because of him, because he and his helpers are practicing the opposite of the teachings of Christianity. At the same time, he is also preaching lies about how compassionate and christian the Bush administration actually is. i mean, can't you help but see a blatant contradiction between words and actions?