Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Running not away

for some issues,the road to healing is nothing really complicated. i told myself to keep walking straight, and to fix my eyes on the unseen. sometimes, when i saw the underground tunnel, i was afraid to enter. i was afraid of walking alone, and not being able to get out again. but it was not the case. i did walk out, and i saw the crystal river, with trees lined up on both sides. i ran to touch one of the leaves and felt that wonderful sense of hope again.

Monday, August 29, 2005

i cycled to the beach. it was nice to be next to the sea,listening to the sound of waves and gazing into the boundlessness. once again, i fell in love with freedom.

Friday, August 26, 2005

jazz night

i met up with gerard, yunfeng ,luke and hanyu on thursday. some of us ate char kway teow at far east plaza. since it was my first time meeting gerard after a few years, i was trying to get used to his language initially. luke said that we were like venus and mars.it sort of amused him just watching both of us communicate.i mean, we both spoke english, but somehow, our wavelengths seemed to meet at awkward points that turned out really funny. gerard is a musician and is sometimes filled with bizarre imaginations and humour that it takes some time for me to understand him.i mean this in a good way, and i really enjoyed my conversations.i told him that maybe he should be a filmmaker.

in the evening, gerard brought some of us to the jazz bar in boat quay. it was beautiful. the japanese lady playing on the piano was just amazing. there were also the bass guitarist, drummer, and another female singer. to be honest, i don't listen to a lot of jazz, and the latter has never really made a strong impression on me. yesterday was quite different. it's just the way the japanese pianist played her music. she was very bold and experimental. i was also very drawn not only to the way she connected with the sounds but also other players on stage. she certainly got me a little more curious about jazz.

improvisation is a good thing.

Monday, August 22, 2005

xi'an and shanghai

my mum and i will go traveling in China soon, in the first week of september. if it all works out, we will spend 3 days in Xi'an( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xi'an)
and 2 in Shanghai(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shanghai)
one seems like the city of the past, and another is like the place of the future.what would it be like to go from one to another, in less than 3 hours?
i remembered going back to USA from a two week vacation in Europe few years ago. it was like returning from a different era, a different time in space. it felt very odd. the architecture and atmosphere in Europe certainly provide a very strong and intimate sense of history. At that time, i wasn't quite sure which place I would like to belong to ( imagine if i have a choice). i felt torn.
i wonder if there will be a stark contrast between Xi'an and Shanghai since both exist in the same country? i suppose being in either place allows us to appreciate both the distant past and modernity a little better? or maybe traveling there will alter my assumptions & impressions about the two places completely.
i don't know. i will find out in september.

anyway, i don't feel too well today. i couldn't sleep last night. the latte i drank yesterday evening kept me awake.i am re-learning my lesson about caffeine intake in the evening! besides, i have a very bad sore throat. everytime i am out of the house, i have a lot of deep-fried, barbecued or spicy food. they taste so good that i can't stop eating!so my mum made orange juice and chrysanthemum tea to sooth my throat. just for today, i will rest content with home-cooked food.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

love in the time of cholera

i just finished reading the book, Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It was about a man, Florentino Ariza, who fell deeply in love with Fermina Daza. However, circumstances did not allow them to come together, and Fermina got married to another man. Her husband eventually died, and it was fifty-one years, nine months, and four days since Florentino declared his love for Fermina. Florentino remained in love and would do whatever it takes to be with her again.
In real life, the majority of us will not wait and endure 51 years to be with someone we are in love with, especially when life keeps throwing impossible hurdles. i supposed some may perceive his waiting and romanticism as foolishness. Perhaps there are other more worthy goals, and dreams worth fighting and dying for. Well, personally, i did feel sad for him throughout the entire story, because no matter what he did to get closer to Fermina, there would always be insurmountable obstacles along the way, including Fermina's indifference.However, at the end, even though Florentina only got to spend time with her after her husband had died and when she was old and withered, i was surprised by the transcendental joy in him.i didn't quite comprehend the infinity of his love for Fermina. Maybe he could have many other great things in life or a good marriage had he given up on Fermina , since he had risen to become an influential businessman. But it was poignant to see that in spite of how old and unattractive Fermina had become, no joy seemed more complete, more soothing and purer to Florintino than the reality of just being next to Fermina and talking to her.
Each and everyone of us has something to wait for. We all have different desires, dreams and visions. Therefore, the meaning and manner of waiting are unique for each person. We give it our own definition. Sometimes, the world may not agree with what we are waiting for, but some of us continue to wait. Of course, doing it lazily and passively does not get us anywhere. i feel that magic happens when we wait with hope and action. From the story of Florentino, i am reminded that waiting can be such a beautiful thing!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Picture 008
when i first came face to face with david i was rather nervous. i didn't really know what to say. i admit that i am just not that great with kids and haven't got a chance to hang out with them too much. but i have always liked to smile, and so i started smiling to david. at first he was a little wary of me , but gradually, he grinned back. and then i began making funny faces, and before i knew it, i began to like and feel comfortable with the language i was using to communicate with david. there were not many words involved, but it was definitely an interesting and fun language, with laughing, funny faces, and all that.
david is Shermaine's one year old son. i saw my friend for the first time after 2 years.the friend whom i used to travel, play music and go crazy with is now married with her one year old child and giving him her complete devotion as a full-time mother. it was a refreshing & novel feeling, just being around the two of them together.
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Sunday, August 07, 2005

Picture 053 at last,i feel mostly recovered from jet lag.took me longer than i expected!

it's my country's 40th birthday this coming Tuesday!
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& so my dad was thinking of expressing some good wishes, graffiti style........
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Thursday, August 04, 2005

sleepless in singapore

This space lies before me, as usual.
I used to see it as a haunting entity,
ready to engulf me with its hollowness.
But now, the emptiness within it
excites me no end, and inspires within me
the desire to seek new possibilities.
Sometimes, I see strange objects that
seem out of place,and other times,
I allow my own body to enter this space,
to feel my connection to it.
That is also the moment when
the desired sense of belonging comes
into existence,within that space of
perfect nothingness.

5th of August '05

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


i finally got home two nights ago. quite a number of things happened along the way. first, when i arrived at narita airport in tokoyo,i had my passport missing. a flight assistant went back to the plane and finally found it for me. i must have become too carried away by a conversation with a japanese lady sitting next to me. when i got back the passport, i walked a good 20 minutes in the airport to a gate that appeared really empty. I thought i had missed the flight. But later I realized I mistook the seat number on my ticket for the gate number! the gate was supposed to be just a few seconds away from where i came from! and so i hurried back and managed to get on the plane during the last call. i felt really foolish and it was certainly no fun walking the distance with a heavy backpack and two violins.
When i arrived at the singapore airport, my parents weren't there to pick me up. they had thought that my arrival time was the next day. so, i ended up calling my dad and waiting for them to arrive. after half an hour of waiting, a security guy came up to me and informed me that i might had taken somebody else's luggage( that closely resembled mine) by mistake, and i actually did! this person finally came up to me and we finally exchanged them. so, it was definitely a good thing that my parents didn't come earlier and bring me home with the wrong piece of luggage.

very strange to be back home. the lobby of the condominium, the kids' playground, the swimming pool, parking lots,etc have all been renovated and so things don't look quite the same. my parents haven't changed much though, looking and feeling as happy and contented as before. my sister and i still have many things to talk about and share, after spending more than 2 years apart. it's the second day, and things feel familiar, yet unfamiliar. i have been mostly awake late at night and very early in the morning. in the afternoon and evening, when everyone else is busy and alive with their activities, i rest in my dreamworld. even during the waking hours, my body is totally exhausted from a tedious 20 hours' journey.many things i am seeing and feeling seem like blurry and unreal images to me.

hopefully, my schedule will get back to normal soon!