feelings

i miss being in the USA....already. i miss being in a liberal environment. i think i am saying this because i just came back from visiting my relatives for the Chinese New Year celebration. it was like entering a world that has grown foreign where i feel like a reluctant stranger.to be honest, i do not have a sense of belonging. i never really have.

it's okay. i am quite nomadic so it's fine for me not to feel that i don't belong in my own home, my own families, my relatives. sometimes, traditions, certain people or even we ourselves make us feel condemned for being this way. the thing is, i have always sensed this even when i was younger and there were times when i felt guilty. but i have learnt today, not to feel condemned. i am learning to be free. i don't want to justify myself to others anymore. ( " There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!!" ( Romans 8)

the mental and emotional connection was missing. this evening, i felt like a wraith without sight of anything concrete, anything tangible.

these are but my honest feelings. i can no longer hide them. i want to get out, to a place where i truly belong again, and i believe i will find it!

or maybe, there is a change of perception that can help me when such feelings emerge. maybe that is something i need to learn as a person , about ADAPTATION or submission.

we will see. ...and i believe that "the truth shall set me free" once again! Praise Him, for giving me real joy, peace and HOPE all this while. It's really awesome to fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen! " For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen...is eternal."