poems ( inspired by smoking) written by kenny, a taiwanese neighbour in my coops.thought i would share
them with you guys!



煙



唉～女孩

就別凝視著我手上的菸了吧

在下一個剎那

我是一定得點著它的

因為那顫抖的右手

此刻也點著我悲痛的思緒



呼～

其實也沒什麼

這灰白色的嘆息

不就是男人善於偽裝的眼淚

我們總在愛情的河裡浮浮沈沈

但妳見到陽光的日子，總是比我多的

夜深了

讓我的影子陪陪我吧，好嗎？

你去吧

　

Think of this as a recurring dream
that will one day come to an end.
My prayer
is that it will cease
peacefully and
silently.
=====================================================

You know, he is gone for a short trip. a special friend and i miss him quite a bit. everytime i was with him, i make some interesting discoveries about life , self and him, of course. we revealed a little of our secrets, and realized that we have somethings in common. but every time after each revelation, we felt a little more vulnerable. at least, me to him.in short, this person remains an enigma. he makes me realize that there's always something more out there, remaining to be experienced and unraveled. and so, i await his return.................

This poem is dedicated to the odd russian guy I used to play chess with in the coops. As mentioned, he is now gone with not many people knowing his whereabouts.

" The chess game between us,
offered us a glimpse
of the rhythm of our hearts.
No words were necessary,
but the mere silence of our moves,
brought us further in
the knowledge of each other."

I just watched " The Man who wasn't there" with Thorston, the guy who watches movies for his history class . It was a black and white movie, and was about the story of a barber. According to Thorston, the barber was the perfect post modern guy. Even though the movie was tragic essentially, it left me with a tranquil mood. The recurring music was the second movement from one of Beethovens' famous sonatas. It might either be Moonlight, or Pathetique sonata. Indeed, it was melancholy, but yet , there is a glimmer of hope that can be subtly felt in the music. So many things kept happening to the barber, random events that culminated in a tragic conclusion. However, it seemed that the protagonist remained untouched, not because he was strong or anything, but because he was far too detached emotionally from what was happening to him, including the suicide of his wife. Sometimes you feel sorry for the character, but at times, you just don't because they are not even hurting or crying over their plight.It does remind me of " The Trial" by Kafka and "The Stranger " by Camus. It certainly does challenge our daily attitude and approaches to certain circumstance, not that i strongly advocate emotional detachment though. I feel that it can be painful, just because we don't want to deal with the pain that may be intrinsic in our lives.

The cinematography was also very beautiful, and it's like walking through a black and white photo gallery with some really good music accompanying each scene. It's dark, tragic yet beautiful and comical at the same time. I had a great time.

a short poem to Jesus Christ

" the drumbeat of Your glory
resounds every single moment
to the point where I could hear
nothing,
but the music of your love."
by your child, jie jie.

St Valentine's day is in two days' time. I read about Pastor Seth's message ( from my church Harvest) about this special occasion. I truly identify with what he has to say. As much as we are in love....with the lovers, or ex-lovers in our lives, i feel that there's nobody out there, but Jesus, who can satisfy our heart and soul.He has brought us people to love, and to be loved, but the deepest emptiness of our being, can only be filled by the infinity of His love. How can human love....be sufficient and perfect, when it's not refueled and rejunevated by a greater and higher love from God? As for me, i grow tired, in my love for myself and for people, but as far as i know, God is never weary. He is always ready to "give strenght to the weary and increase the power of the weak." ( Isaiah40:28-29) In my weariness, i have found His strength. In my utter selfishness, I have found a selfless love in Christ. As much as I am at times infatuated and head over heels in love with certain people in my life, I believe that the greatest lover.....remains Jesus Christ!! Happy Valentine's Day...to You, my God and my savior!!

today i don't have to go to class, or work. i woke up really late, since i had been spending most of the night with a friend . We went driving after midnight, and there was not a single soul in sight on the roads of ann arbor. it was the whiteness, the tranquility, felt from the safety and coziness of the car, that refreshed my otherwise fatigued mind from a whole day of class and work. what should i do today? i miss chess playing very much. now that the chess buddy had left the coops, i will now enter the Yahoo chess rooms to look for a game companion.
oh, if you guys want to have an original and interesting impressions of china through the eyes of a young american woman who is travelling first time in that country, please visit http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=jinganlin . She's Katie Beth, a friend of mine who's doing a chinese language program in Beida. Reading her journal entries make me want to take off to a foreign place again and to relive certain travelling experiences!

The dilemma of passion is that
you allow it to haunt you
daily. And in each and every moment,
you seem to enjoy the pain.
The dilemma of passion makes you
loathe its presence but at the same time,
you feel the meaninglessness,
everytime it flies away.
The dilemma of passion makes me
feel like a human being,
whose weaknes teaches me to
seek God.....in his perfection.
It makes me wonder where I am,
and what choices I should make.
The perplexity of passion is
beautiful in itself.

10th February 2003.

in the oasis, i felt his touch. i felt healed, comforted and maybe......loved.

it's hard to imagine that in winter days ann arbor, a warm oasis like this exists. but believe me, it does. Ah, the pleasant surprises life gives you at times!!

what happens when life throws you nightmares and good dreams at the same time, all in one day? i think that being in a state of emotional and mental lostness protects you from the bruises, but what will really really happen when i wake up tomorrow? these chaotic images float in my mind, and they never truly rest. Dear God, i ask and pray for PEACE. Thanks.

Today, i had my photography class from 10 am till 4 pm, which takes place every saturday. after that, i worked at the cafe from 7 pm till 11pm. Believe me, i am dead right now, but i am still not sleeping. i just finished a really entertaining show with some friends at the coops, called Pirates of the Carribean. i have never watched much of Johnny Depps' movie, but after this film, i think he's pretty cool.today at the photography class, i learnt how to develop my own films and make prints. even though i did make some silly errors, the process of doing it was very satisfying. i desire to go further in the direction of photography, for fun. Every class, the instructor will write some really interesting quotations by famous artists on the board. today, it was written :

"For me, it's hard to separate the creative process of seeing from prayer. Both can be creative acts . Both involves openness of spirit."

You know, I immediately fell in love with the quotation. I hope to remember these awesome words. I had a close muslim turkish friend who said that everytime he cooked, he would feel and see it as a prayer to his God, Allah. The result of his cooking, was because of what his heart felt. Well, I had tasted his cooking before, and it was excellent. Now that he had left for the east coast, I do miss his food and some edifying conversations with him. On top of that, he was also the best soccer player in the coops. Very proud of him!
OKay, tomorrow i don't have to work. i am now so overwhelmed with a sense of relief, and am now looking forward to my dreamlife for the next 8 hours,at least(zzzzzzzzzzz).Well, maybe it's due to a hectic lifestyle, but i have been having really odd dreams lately. I am wondering what's happening next.Good night.