childhood

during lunch today, my grandma showed me how my mum and uncle looked like when they were kids.

i prefer working at haggan- dazs in the weekends. for the first time, i worked on a sunday.the streets of orchard road become more vibrant with different sorts of colors. there are many more people to serve ice cream and smile to. it is better than standing around, idling in a weekday morning, and trying to occupy ourselves by sometimes eating and re-tasting the ice cream in front of us. most of the customers in orchard road are tourists. seeing them in their casual outfits has definitely stirred the nomadic spirit within me again. i want go traveling again. but first, i want to travel in my own country. God knows how many interesting places and corners i am ignorant of. i want to get myself a bus guide soon, and start wandering around on foot as well, taking photographs.Is this place a labyrinth, or just an uncomplicated world filled with straight roads? i will find out soon.

last saturday, i did get out of my country just for a day, the first time since my trip to Shanghai. i was asked by a friend of mine to perform, along with some others, for an annual event held by the singapore bible college. we played mendelssohn's lobegesang and psalm 52 in a small ensemble to accompany the choir. we played for the Malaysian audience in johor bahru.it was really nice to re -connect with old friends in the ensemble i have not seen for ages. The picture above is my violinist friend playing with his own shadows.

i love Rachmaninoff piano concerto 2. i still can't forget the concert early in october, when the ad-hoc orchestra i was in accompanied Tedd Joselson (an American pianist living in Singapore) as he gave his wild interpretation of both Rach's piano concertos 2 and 3. He made me fall in love with the music again. There is definitely a difference between merely listening to it on recording and actually playing the music. Joselson has such an erratic and unpredictable way of playing that i find very appealing.at the same time, he also helps connect me with the music emotionally. so today, i read up a bit about the piano concerto number 2 online. It was actually composed during the recovery phrase of Rach's depression and was dedicated to the psychiatrist who successfully helped him. well, that is the official view. There is an alternative family report which suggests that the secret inspiration behind his music was actually the psychiatrist's daughter and it remained a "shadowy presence during the composer's subsequent married life." This report is regarded with skepticism by scholars. However, i do wonder if it is possible for Rachmaninoff to compose this piece without having the feeling and agony of having fallen helplessly in love with somebody? There is also another interesting website, whereby a person creates digital images as he hears the individual movements of the piano concerto. The images are kind of wierd. However, the process seems interesting to me. Check it out at http://www.parkenet.org/jp/contests/series/o0.html

this is where i dream, write and think. it's safe here.


sometimes, hiding behind a mask makes me feel protected and secure, and even unchallenged. but there are times when i wish i could just reveal that little secret within me. i guess we all have our secrets. there are just so many ways to keep them. while idling, we can always go enter the chambers in our hearts and surprise ourselves.

u know, i used to have really wierd dreams while i was in ann arbor. they seem to have become a little too normal lately here at home!!

Quidam

will watch it with my sister and her friends tonight. just click on the title to see what it is all about.

ice cream

i have grown to like the variety of ice cream flavors in haggan-dazs. i work there part time now, few hours a week. when i was a customer, the flavor i used to go for was always macadamia nut. i never explored other options. but now, i get to taste rum raisin, panna cotta raspberry ( the latest flavor of the month), midnight cookies and cream, strawberry cheescake, branded cherry etc. my favorites are those that contain alchohol and nuts. what don't really go well with me are sorbet flavors.
how do these weekly hours of serving ice cream in haggan daz influence my life in the future? i am curious to find out too.

the very apparent effect is that it constantly makes me crave for ice cream , especially at night .

that's good. it makes me look forward to my next shift, which is this coming Friday.

check out http://www.haagen-dazs.com/

Yesterday, i was reminded to be thankful in a sermon.
That brings me back to one of my favorite verses in the bible " be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances." ( 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) It never fails to inspire me, especially during trying times.

i guess i know it is important to be thankful. but somehow, the words of the pastor have challenged me to increase my thankfulness. According to him, being thankful helps us deepen our appreciation for the existing elements in our lives. Consequently, this appreciation increases their value. Wouldn't it be nice if Christ can help broaden my perspective, allowing me to give thanks for the seemingly trivial details that i have always taken for granted? In the new testament, Jesus always seem to see the value in insignificant things and people( from the societal point of view). Instead of seeing the lack in them, He sees the potential in them. He has what we would call " eyes of faith." I have the desire to rely on His eyes, to see the miracles, the magic in the mundane. There are interesting possibilities in one given moment in life, but if only I could see them!!

My desire is that a heart and attitude of thankfulness would be a natural and spontaneous response to the situations in life, instead of it being a conscious and deliberate effort. But I supposed a conscious act becomes a habit, which ultimately becomes natural, like breathing? i don't really know. All i know is that it refreshes the mind to have this feeling!

There are dreams to be fulfilled, desires to be met and obstacles to be overcome. But won't it be helpful to begin the foundation of our journey with a feeling and perspective of thankfulness?



( a garden in Shanghai)

i hear you

The road led me to that
strange encounter with you.
The beauty you produced had
allowed me to travel to a world
that I would like to know better
and to live in.
Away from the distractions,
and away from the demons of prudence,
we journeyed towards a wild adventure of
passions, desires and forbidden yearnings.
Then I start remembering the sorrow
in your melodies,
which haunt me in a deep way
and it makes me realize
how much more seductive this sadness sometimes is
than the happiness that lies around me.

written, 4th October 2005.